


A Different Path

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nightmares, past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 12:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After the revelation of Kylo Ren's true identity, Poe Dameron makes a fateful decision.





	A Different Path

**Author's Note:**

  * For [captainhookcaptainfreedom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhookcaptainfreedom/gifts).



> For the Knightpilot Exchange, for captainhookcaptainfreedom. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The day that they read Han Solo’s will is the day that Poe Dameron feels like he’s been hit by a speeder. Twice.

The day was stressful enough, putting the funeral together. The day was bad enough seeing General Organa in such a way, seeing her so crushed -- it wasn’t fair seeing that brave, wonderful woman who Poe had admired from a young age in such a state. And then it came to Han’s will. Including his last message to Kylo Ren -- to Ben.

And it had been that revelation that made Poe feel as if he’d been hit by a speeder. He looked around, saw that the other members of Black Squadron looked just as flabbergasted, just as shocked. Then everyone started talking at once.

“Ben? Ben Solo?”

“That kid wouldn’t have hurt a gizka let alone...everyone else.”

“What happened?”

“What did the First Order do to him?”

In the midst of the commotion and General Organa trying to calm everyone down, Poe was already trying to sort out his own thoughts. _Why didn’t the General tell me? How could she have led me to believe Ben was dead?_

_How could she?_

_How_ could _she?_

***  
It was long after the funeral that Poe lay in his room, on the bed, BB-8 resting at his feet, keeping vigil. He was grateful for BB-8’s presence in that moment, because all of it was too much to bear.

Ben. Kylo Ren was Ben. He had murdered Lor San Tekka when Tekka had been trying to help him -- and Tekka must have known, he had to have known. “The First Order rose from the Dark Side. You did not.” All of it might as well have been a bright neon sign that said “Something terrible has happened to Ben Solo!”

And Ben had tortured him. Ben had torn through his defenses as if they were nothing. Ben had turned into some sort of unrecognizable monster. The boy who loved to fly, the boy who had touched Poe so gently and kissed him so tenderly and called him beautiful...and he had done this...

“Poe? Poe, it’s me, Jess.”

Jessika Pava. Her voice was soft. Gentle.

“Hey, Jess,” Poe said, smiling weakly up at her.

“You okay?” Jess said.

Poe nodded. “I guess I’m still in shock.”

“Yeah, I know. How could he?” And genuine anger entered into Jess’ voice. “He tortured you. He actually did all these horrible things...”

“I know.”

“What did the First Order even do to him?”

Poe didn’t answer. But he already knew the answer. He already knew that Snoke had likely taken the kind-hearted, idealistic young man who wanted to make the galaxy better and turned him into something that he wasn’t. He could still remember one of Ben’s rants about the Senate, how ineffectual they were. “They would care about as little for you as garbage...”

And the way he looked -- it was the sort of look that Poe couldn’t say that he liked in the slightest. The fever in it. The furor. Something that was already teetering on the edge of that state where the worst decisions possible were made.

“Poe?” Jess said, softly. “Did you -- ’’

“I should have seen it coming,” Poe said. “For a long, long time.”

“You mean he -- ’’

“He thought that the Senate didn’t care about us. I definitely didn’t expect him to do...everything else.” Poe ran a hand through his hair. “He tortured Finn. Gave him that scar on his back. He tortured Rey. He tortured me, killed Lor San Tekka, killed his own father who was trying to help him and...”

“And what?”

“And I was stupid enough to love him.” That was probably the greatest blow of all. Knowing that he’d loved Ben. He could still see the way that Ben laughed, the way he broke down into laughter and crinkles formed around his eyes. He could see the way Ben got passionate about things, got passionate about politics, for example. If his mother hadn’t sent him away to the Jedi, he would have made one hell of an activist. “He stole his way into my heart and -- ’’

“And you’re not stupid, Poe. Trust me on this.”

Jess placed a hand against his face, gentle, caring. Nothing romantic there, merely a quiet expression of comfort.

“You’re not stupid,” Jess said. “It’s not your fault.”

“Thank you, Jess.” Poe sighed. “Thank you.”

He didn’t think that he would ever truly shake off the pain. Even going to sleep that night, he could still see Ben’s face the night he had gone off to the Temple on Yavin -- to burn it down, Poe knew now. To destroy it until there was nothing left.

“ _I love you, Poe. I’ll always love you. Don’t forget that.”_

When he dreamed, he could see Ben’s face -- pleading for him for help, pleading for him to save him, pleading urgently, only to be snatched away by invisible tendrils, invisible tendrils of darkness, and drawn far from view.

It was in the middle of the night that he made his decision. He had to find a way to save Ben. Any way possible. He had to find him, bring him home. Save him from himself.

 _Because that will work._ a part of him said sarcastically. _Because Kylo Ren will be so willing to consider that. Because he’ll be absolutely overjoyed at the idea of you waltzing right into one of his secret bases after he tortured you and saying, “Hey, Ben, you want to come back home?” And even if he’s somehow, impossibly, willing to go with you, what’s going to happen when you show back up at the base with the General’s wayward son? Can you picture how that would go down?_

But he had to try. He had to try and save Ben from Snoke. Snoke had likely preyed on Ben’s weaknesses from the start. Ben was kind, but he also had a streak of darkness in him that could occasionally show up in his behavior. Snoke had likely preyed on that when he had captured Ben on Ziost.

_Damn that planet. Damn that planet..._

Even as he headed towards the hangar, he was glad that the others were asleep. He still felt a twinge of guilt for leaving them behind, but they couldn’t come with him on this mission. This was something that he had to do himself. This was something that he had to complete on his own.

He’d left BB-8 behind as well. He couldn’t risk the First Order actually getting him again. The Resistance already had the map to Luke, of course, but that didn’t matter. The First Order would still try capturing BB-8 again when they got the chance.

Poe got inside his X-wing and blasted off. He didn’t know where he was going to go, where exactly Kylo Ren was, but he knew that no matter what it took, he would never, ever stop looking for Ben.

He would find him.

He would bring him home.

After all, Poe Dameron was more than willing to do the unexpected, whether it be stealing a First Order TIE fighter or anything else, and bringing Ben Solo home was one of those unexpected things.

 


End file.
